Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
