Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
