Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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