My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
