i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
