Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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