I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
