forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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