Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
