It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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