I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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