addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
