you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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