I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
