So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
