i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
