thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
