If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
