Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
