Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
