Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize