My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
