I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
the liver wants what the liver wants
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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