Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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