so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
