I wish i was in the wii world.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
