when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
