the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
