i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
