Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
