We're facebook friends in real life
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
