were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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