five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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