I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
