Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize