So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
