Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
