i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
