I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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