I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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