There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
