I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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