please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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