Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
