absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
