Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize