The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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