you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
