Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
