are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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