Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize