i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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