one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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