You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize