A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
