Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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