During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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