they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
