I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
