remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
