Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
