she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
