the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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