Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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