yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
