sarcasm needs its own font
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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