The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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