Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
