Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
