Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
