yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
