wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
