so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
