um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
