Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
