I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
