remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
