i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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