I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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