Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize