girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
