so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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