Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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