As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
