oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
