so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
