he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
