like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
