She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Me too!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
