I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
