He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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