Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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