We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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