All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
