I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
