I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
