Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
