Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
