You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
