Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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