last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
