Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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