I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
