Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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