Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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