I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
