Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
