Nicole vs. Life
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dear god my vagina.
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