I accidentally burped into my bong.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
