his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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