you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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