she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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