My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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