So drunk, too bad you don't want this
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
