i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
