Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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