I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I want is dick and wine.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
